Not this past weekend but the weekend before I finally
got to try my wedding dress on. I was so
excited for this day. Although I had
only lost 5 lbs between the first time I tried it on and now I just couldn’t wait. Everyone kept telling me how good I looked
and could tell I had lost inches. So in
my mind I envisioned me trying on my dress and it being too big.
When I ordered my dress the lady told me I was just a
few inches off from a smaller size.
However, I told her to order the size I was then so I didn’t feel any
pressure of losing weight. I had already
worked my ass off to get where I was that day and KNEW I would continue to.
The day came for me to try on my dress and like I said
before I just knew it was going to be to big.
I stepped into it and as she is zipping me up its getting tighter and
tighter, and she struggles to zip it up.
Once its zipped up I can barley breath, she looks at me and says we need
to take your bra off its taking up to much room. I take my bra off and it zips up a little
easier.
I immediately burst into tears. I was so overwhelmed with emotions. I know the work I have put in the gym, the
sweat, the tears, the early mornings, the after work workouts and the many
miles on the treadmill. And at that
moment it felt like it was all for nothing.
Everything I had done was for nothing.
My mom and bridesmaids assured me I looked beautiful
and I pulled it together. I put on my
shoes and the length of the dress was perfect, not sure it could have gotten
any more perfect.
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| My Bridesmaids and I |
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| Bridesmaid dresses! |
I walked out of the dressing room and out to the full
length mirror and immediately fell in love with my dress all over. After wearing my dress for a bit and getting
used to how it felt I started to feel better.
I had never put a dress on that was in my actual size, so maybe that’s how
it was supposed to feel? After talking
with the dress lady she told me that she thought the dress fit great but would
leave it up to me. My mom and girls suggested
I should try a slimmer to smooth everything out and suck it all in. With all those suggestions I decided to leave
the dress as is, get a slimmer and got back this Saturday to retry on the dress
and see how it feels.
I left that day and drove home with my sunglasses on and
my eyes filled with tears. I felt defeated.
I wanted to feel beautiful in my dress and that’s not
how I felt at the time. I think
know that I want my dress to be big on me so that I was reassured that when the
scale wasn’t moving I knew my inches were.
And that day I felt the complete opposite.
Looking back at the day now I know I set my
expectations to high. I think the dress
was supposed to feel that tight, it held my boobies and everything else in
place. When I tried on the dress the
first time and got measured I had a slimmer on, why didn’t I think of
that? Of course a slimmer makes a
difference and I think when I go back this week it will make me feel better
too.
When I came home Luke asked how my day went and of
course water works episode two started.
I explained to him how I felt, all of the above and how I just wanted to
look beautiful for him on our wedding day.
He told me how proud he was of me and that he already thinks I am
beautiful. He knew I would be beautiful
on our wedding day and I just needed to relax.
All I can do is to continue to do my best. Continue to work out, eat right and press on.
