I am sure one day I will appreciate
my daughter being strong willed but for now it's so challenging.
It
seems these last 2 weeks have been so stressful for me. And tonight I think I
hit rock bottom. As a new mom you walk into the whole experience not knowing
what you’re doing but somehow figure it out along the way. If ever a question
or doubt I would turn to the internet searching to see what others had tried,
coming up with a general consensus and going with my gut feeling and having it
all work itself out. But I feel like I have finally hit a brick wall I don't
know how to get around.
I have a strong willed
child.
I feel like the past two
weeks all I have done is battle her. She wakes up in the morning and begins
yelling mommy. I walk in to say good morning and she screams, “no, daddy.” I
then tell her it’s time to get up, lay out her clothes while she crams her body
to the back of her bed and begins the battle of not wanting to get out if bed.
I tell her fine she can go back to sleep and as I walk out of the room she
screams no. We do this back and forth a few more times before eventually I drag
her out of bed, change her diaper and get her clothes on for the day. All the
while she is fighting me.
After
getting dressed she is happy until I drop her off at school. She used to not
fight me dropping her off but now she does. We take her coat off and walk to
the room with the teachers and as soon as she is in the room she starts the
kicking and screaming. I have always tried to not make me dropping her off a
big deal for this reason. I figured if I didn't make it a big deal from the
beginning then it would always be easy. I was wrong. I feel like a terrible parent
dropping my kid off and walking away but I am hoping when I leave she quits
throwing a fit quicker than had I stayed trying to make her stop throwing a fit.
Then at 5 o clock I head
back to pick Lakelyn up from daycare. I pick her up because I get off
right at 5 and Luke doesn't normally leave work until 5:30. I feel guilty
leaving Lakelyn at daycare for any longer than necessary. When I pick Lakelyn
up from daycare we play the game of me pretending to leave without her for her
to want to come. Then once I get in the car and strapped in most of the time
she is unhappy and mad the entire 5 min drive home. The entire time I am trying
to talk to her about her day while she screams no at everything I ask her. Then
when we get home she is fighting to not get out of her car seat. Once we are in
the house she is throwing herself on the floor because she either doesn't want
to take her coat and shoes off or she wants milk. I tell her she has to stop
crying to get milk or put her shoes away and she fights with me until finally
doing as she's told so she can have her milk.
Then comes dinner time.
I could give her ice cream
and if it's not what she wanted then she won't eat it. But her choice every
night would be candy and that’s not happening.
She will try and push her food off her tray and throw a fit. We have the
battle of if you want this you need to eat 2 bites of what's on your plate. She
throws a fit, probably makes 2 trips to time out for throwing her food and then
eventually eating her food.
Then
we have about an hour of playing happy time. We brush her teeth and then put
her to bed. Most nights this isn't a battle and our night ends well but last
night it didn't. She fought us brushing her teeth and ended up getting put in
bed because she wouldn’t let us brush her teeth.
It
seems these last 2 weeks it has been battle after battle.
I am tired. And emotional.
She is strong willed and I
know she gets it from me.
I try my best to stay
calm. I try to communicate with her. I ask her to communicate with me.
I try to be firm. I try to
be understanding.
I feel like I have tried
everything and don't know where to go.
Lakelyn
has always been strong willed even as a baby. As a mom I question what I did to
make her this way. Is it because I was unable to breast feed her on the boob
that she didn't bond with me. Did I not hold her enough as a baby? Why doesn't
she get comfort from me? Why won't she cuddle with us? What did I do that made
her such a fighter at such a young age?
I understand that she is two.
I understand she is going to test us.
But I feel like she only tests me.
And it’s not because Luke is harder on her, he is actually easier. I can’t ignore her when she is throwing a fit;
I want her to understand throwing a fit isn’t going to get her what she wants.
I feel like there is something I did wrong in my parenting to
bring this all about. But I just can’t
figure it out. Up until this point she
has been the typical two year old with fits every once in awhile but now it
seems we battle about everything.
I know one day I'll appreciate
her being strong willed.
But for now it breaks my
heart that Lakelyn and I can’t get on the same page.
