Dress Fitting #1

Not this past weekend but the weekend before I finally got to try my wedding dress on.  I was so excited for this day.  Although I had only lost 5 lbs between the first time I tried it on and now I just couldn’t wait.  Everyone kept telling me how good I looked and could tell I had lost inches.  So in my mind I envisioned me trying on my dress and it being too big.

When I ordered my dress the lady told me I was just a few inches off from a smaller size.  However, I told her to order the size I was then so I didn’t feel any pressure of losing weight.  I had already worked my ass off to get where I was that day and KNEW I would continue to. 

The day came for me to try on my dress and like I said before I just knew it was going to be to big.  I stepped into it and as she is zipping me up its getting tighter and tighter, and she struggles to zip it up.  Once its zipped up I can barley breath, she looks at me and says we need to take your bra off its taking up to much room.  I take my bra off and it zips up a little easier.

I immediately burst into tears.  I was so overwhelmed with emotions.  I know the work I have put in the gym, the sweat, the tears, the early mornings, the after work workouts and the many miles on the treadmill.  And at that moment it felt like it was all for nothing.  Everything I had done was for nothing.

My mom and bridesmaids assured me I looked beautiful and I pulled it together.  I put on my shoes and the length of the dress was perfect, not sure it could have gotten any more perfect.

My Bridesmaids and I

Bridesmaid dresses!

I walked out of the dressing room and out to the full length mirror and immediately fell in love with my dress all over.  After wearing my dress for a bit and getting used to how it felt I started to feel better.  I had never put a dress on that was in my actual size, so maybe that’s how it was supposed to feel?  After talking with the dress lady she told me that she thought the dress fit great but would leave it up to me.  My mom and girls suggested I should try a slimmer to smooth everything out and suck it all in.  With all those suggestions I decided to leave the dress as is, get a slimmer and got back this Saturday to retry on the dress and see how it feels.

I left that day and drove home with my sunglasses on and my eyes filled with tears.  I felt defeated.

I wanted to feel beautiful in my dress and that’s not how I felt at the time.  I think know that I want my dress to be big on me so that I was reassured that when the scale wasn’t moving I knew my inches were.  And that day I felt the complete opposite.

Looking back at the day now I know I set my expectations to high.  I think the dress was supposed to feel that tight, it held my boobies and everything else in place.   When I tried on the dress the first time and got measured I had a slimmer on, why didn’t I think of that?  Of course a slimmer makes a difference and I think when I go back this week it will make me feel better too.

When I came home Luke asked how my day went and of course water works episode two started.  I explained to him how I felt, all of the above and how I just wanted to look beautiful for him on our wedding day.  He told me how proud he was of me and that he already thinks I am beautiful.  He knew I would be beautiful on our wedding day and I just needed to relax.

All I can do is to continue to do my best.  Continue to work out, eat right and press on.