Anxiety

I think my anxiety level is on HIGH this week.  Which is weird because I wouldn't normally say I am a person who gets anxiety, I am sure its the pregnancy hormones.

I feel like a whale.  I know I talked about it in my bump update but I don’t remember feeling like this last time I was pregnant.  Maybe because I last time I started out as a whale?  Last time I got pregnant my starting weight was 185 and the night my water broke I was at 217, that’s 32 lbs.  This time I started out at 165 and am currently at 190, that’s  25 lbs which means I only have 7 more pounds until I hit 32 lbs or 10 more pounds until I hit the big 200.  And when I give birth to this baby boy in April I will only be 2 months away from full on summer….swim suit season.

Speaking of summer, I dread thinking about breast feeding through the summer.  The act of breast feeding was not successful for Lakelyn and I.  So I pumped and gave her a bottle.  It worked out for both of us.  I was never going to be a mom who could breastfeed in public, not even my mom or best friend.  It makes me feel uncomfortable.  So after a few weeks of battling and stressing out over breastfeeding I decided to pump and make us both happy.  BUT pumping is also exhausting and made me feel like a cow and in the beginning doing it every 2 hrs becomes exhausting.  So thinking about that during summer, does not sound like fun.

We are thinking about moving Lakelyn to her new big girl bed tonight.  I am pretty sure I have read every article on the internet with tips on how to make this transition smooth.  I dread it.  She sleeps so well in her crib now, why would I mess that up?  Oh, because we have a baby coming in April and need to start the process sooner than later.  We could wait until after the baby but potty training is supposed to start in a month or so and I want her to be able to get out of bed if she needs to.  So we need to get her in her big girl bed ASAP.  She loves her bed but has no interest in sleeping in it.

I feel like more than ever I read stories about people losing their babies while pregnant, or finding out there 5 year old has cancer or the dresser fell on top of a toddler in the middle of the night and they died.  I can’t handle it!  If anything happened to Lakelyn I am not sure I could go on. 

A local kindergartner found out she has cancer.  Her family created a Facebook page which most of my friends comment or like, so the post pop up in my feed.  For awhile I didn't like the page because I knew reading the updates would make me upset.  But then I felt guilty for not.  Then eventually I made the decision that if this were my daughter I would want all the support I could get.  So I liked the page and continue to do my best to support her and her family. 

A coworker of Luke’s had a baby boy a few months ago who was born with an enlarged heart and recently passed away.  It’s so hard for me to understand how you can do everything right for 9 months to give birth and your world come crashing down.  I am just not sure I have the strength.

After reading the story about the dresser falling on top of the toddler, Luke will be strapping ours to the wall tonight.

I feel like I need a day to myself to lay in bed and do nothing and not feel guilty about it.

Bump #2- 26 Weeks

It’s been way to long since I have done a bump update.  6 weeks to be exact. These past few weeks have been more of a mental struggle for me then physical. It seems as if everyone is on a New Years diet and here I am gaining weight.  I feel like I look like a person who has gained 20 lbs and not a pregnant person.  It makes me feel really self conscious.  I feel fat and I hate it.

26 Weeks Pregnant

However, on the plus side I am now the weight I started at the last time I got pregnant.  Seems weird to think I am 1/3 of the way through this pregnancy and last time at this weight I had just found out I was pregnant. 

Onto the bumpdate….

  

How Far Along:  26 Weeks

Size of baby: About the size of a head of lettuce, 13.6-14.8 inches and 1.5-2.2 lbs.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: +23 lbs

Maternity Clothes: Pants Only.

Gender: BOY!!

Movement:  LOTS!  I feel him mostly in the morning after my shower or right before bed.

Symptoms: I feel a lot of weight and pressure in my pelvis.  Not sure if this is a gender thing or just a second baby thing.  He likes to sit on a nerve right about my pelvis which makes it very difficult to walk.

Sleep: I am still sleeping like a baby.  A few nights I wake up to go pee but most nights I sleep the whole night through.

What I miss: Alcohol of course.  Reminder to self, don’t get prego over the holidays you will NEED that drink on Christmas day.

Cravings: Nothing in particular, I seem to be hungry 24/7.  

Next Appointment: Jan 28^th.  This is the appointment for the glucose test.  I passes with Lakelyn on the first try and am hoping I do the same for this baby!  I am not sure I would do well regulating what and when I eat.

Looking forward to: This pregnancy being over.  I really enjoyed being pregnant last time but have really struggled this time.  I feel like I look like a person who has gained 20+ lbs and not a pregnant person.  I worked so hard to lose weight before the wedding and fell like all I have done now is gain weight and lose all my hard work.

Differences in last pregnancy: More weight in my pelvis and lots more movement.

Last Appointment review:  Routine checkup.  Baby’s heart was at 149.

Christmas 2013

Christmas is always a busy time of the year for us. 

But I always look forward to it.

Because of all the traveling we do around Christmas Eve and Christmas day, Luke and I decided to have our family Christmas the Sunday before Christmas.  Sunday morning we went downstairs and began to open one present at a time.  She opened her stocking from Santa which was filled with candy, books, chap stick and bath markers. Her other gifts from us were: clothes, 2 Barbie’s, Barbie VW bug, Leap Pad2, Crayons, cars, movies and bath towel.  We spent the whole day as a family in our PJ’s and relaxed the whole day.  Luke got me a sewing machine, sewing book and scissors, everything I wanted!  I got him the new XBOX One, a water camera that mounts on our boat and a beer brewing starter kit.

Our traveling adventure began by driving 2 hrs east back to my home town in Missouri.  The night before Christmas Eve we spent opening gifts with my mom, step dad, brother, there significant others and my grandparents.  And as usual they spoiled her rotten!  She got clothes, scooter, art easel, shopping cart, puzzles and an inflatable horse to ride.

This year was completely different then last year. Lakelyn was completely aware of what was going on and kept asking for more presents.  It may be cute now but hopefully next year she learns to wait to get another present instead of asking for more.  Needless to say she had a blast opening gifts!

Christmas Eve we headed over to my Grandma Sue’s for dinner.  My cousins, aunts and uncles all attend.  Lakelyn opened a few gifts and received her new big girl bedding that my grandma made.  I laid it out and she was so excited she was rolling on the floor.  I am very lucky to have such a wonderful grandma who enjoys making Lakelyn bedding and blankets!

Christmas Eve night we drive back home while Lakelyn sleeps in the car.

Christmas morning we wake up and head over to Luke’s parents house.  As soon as we get there we head over to his grandpas house to watch the cousins open there gifts and hen head back over to his parents.  We then let Lakelyn and her cousins, William, Hazel and Evelyn, open gifts. 

And this is when my stress level goes from 0 to 100.

When I grew up and even still to this day when my family opens gift they are handed out one at time.  That person opens there gift, everyone can see, you can tell the person you received it from Thank you and then move on to the next gift. 

At his parents’ house there are 7 adults and 4 children.  One person starts handing out the gifts and makes piles at your feet while everyone is opening gifts.  And if your pile starts to spill into another’s you are told to open faster.  Everyone is yelling over each other saying thank you, you have NO idea what each person got and they have no idea what you go them.  I could have bought each of the cousins a $5 toy and they wouldn’t have known any better.  Then when the unwrapping craziness has ended most of their toys they aren’t allowed to open because there are too many parts that might get lost.  So now they get to look at all their new toys but not play with any of them.  Sorry kids, you have to play with all the toys you have been playing with the past few days, not your new ones. FUN.

It’s just not my style.  It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with it. I love my in laws and get along with them all but Christmas at their house is one day a year I don’t really look forward too.

After Christmas dinner we head home.  Luke had to work the next day but I didn’t so I spent the day after Christmas taking down all the decorations and trying to get the house organized.

As usual Christmas is always great and I am already looking forward to next year!

Next year... Lakelyn will be 3 and baby boy 8 months old, I am sure it will be interesting!